Wow,...initial reaction- blind panic, tears, hearts pounding- Oh shit!!
Its good to know i still have a job with good pay, good time off, somewhere i've been for 19 years. Yet ive been off for 5 months so much in life has changed, throughout the world not just for me. But this is me dealing/ coping with stuff so this piece is all about me & my feelings, thoughts, reactions.
A few hours after the call im still feeling very nervous/ anxious, hearts still racing, i feel physically & emotionally sick. It doesnt help that i had a rough night with 2 year old grandson, so sleep deprivation is probably making things feel worse than they are and will be.
On the plus side i'll be back to full money, be with people, how will those people be, will they feel like l do? How will the actual work have changed & will be like from September & the new school year. Which feels really odd as when i left we had just left behind Winter & now as l return we begin to re- enter that time of year. In the blink of an eye how things have changed. I've/ we've lost half a year whih hasnt been experienced. Where i work i get to experience the seasons & year changes through nature, but this year that hasnt happened. It feels like i've been in a coma where life happened behind me.
I have 7 days now to prepare my mind, my clothes, my life to fit back around the world of work. Having had no contact with any of my colleagues has been very odd & lonely, time. Everyone deals/ copes with situations in their own way. Going back where life hasnt stopped completely will be very strange.
My head is just confused about the whole thing. I guess next week will see some more changes- no longer will l be seeing my family on a daily basis like "we did before" the world stopped, l will begin a new way of work a new way of life, a new routine, a new way of being.
For now l need to enjoy whats left of my non working life & routines- because l do not know when l will experience this type of life again.......
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