VENTURING OUT....

 I bit the bullet  yesterday & broke my social hiatus.

Something thats been on hold for about 7 years following an unsavoury incident, in a town pub which totally floored me. I stopped drinking....not a bad thing. But i was no longer able to go 'out,out'.  Ive had many invites from work colleagues to 'in town' events but lose my nerve, become paralysed by fear of reoccurrence. I always need to feel 'safe'. This follows on from the 'incident' also abusive relationships. Whilst physical scares heal & fade mental ones do not. They may fade temporarily into the abyss of your mind but any slight reminder, a song, a place, a smell, raised voices & BAM!! you're right back there.

During 'lockdown' i like many others im sure had time to reflect, time to learn about ourselves. l like my own company, l love my family, my 4 adult 'children', my gorgeous 7 grandchildren, but l want more. Im lucky to have a stable secure job which l enjoy...most of the time!! I have a few years to go before l can retire and have the freedom lockdown afforded me. So l bit the bullett & joined a local friendship group, which a lovely guy, new to the town created, because he moved here just as lockdown kicked in, so was unable to go out & mingle. He bravely reached out to the 'locals' & was overwhelmed by offers of friendship, local knowledge etc. He's since realised that 'our town' is full of like minded lonely, lost people.  Some are born & bred here, some like many & me are 'outsiders' who have moved here, been established for many years but have outgrown, moved on from our own friendship circles.  Life has gotten in the way of socialising with those we already know & love. Whilst we will never lose the bond we have with those close to us we none the less fail to see & connect with them like we used to. Dont get me wrong l have a handful of amazing friends whom l love dearly, if we bumped into each other in the street we would instantly pic up from where we left off, we know each other that well.  But l want more, l want new, l want future, l want to rekindle my life. 

I hit the big 60 next year & whilst l like my solo life l dont want to spend the last years/ decades of my life alone. l want a preferably a male best friend, companion, partner, mate.  Some one to go for meals with, go for treks in the hills with...some one who drives to get us to the hills in the first place ...lol.  Some one who will walk with me along quiet beaches. A great like minded female friend would be cool too...some one l can natter to, craft with, knit & natter, stitch & bitch with. Its not about sex or 'making lurve'!! that if it were to happen is a bonus...(with the guys not the girls!!)

So l plucked up the courage & agreed to go to the LLaN group meeting at a local golf club, l committed to going by arranging to meet a couple of other ladies so we could all walk in together, that way l couldnt talk myself out of it. I had to go because they couldnt contact me so wouldve wondered where l was.  And 60-70 people also turned up, all ages, mostly women, all in the same boat, all living in the varying parts of town but feeling 'Lost, lonely or New'. We all went as strangers & made a handful of new friends each. Because of current restrictions about interacting in masses we did have to stick to small 4-5 people tables which is a shame. But means 'next big meet' we can move around & meet yet more 'new' friends. It was relaxed, enjoyable, lovely venue, great host in the guy who made it happen...that guy who moved here 5 months ago & knew no one, now knows & is the reason over 700 people now belong to the group...Wow...how amazing is that. 

I was very aware that l chatted alot...(sorry), its what l do when l actually get some one to actually talk to, l talk incessantly.  However l obviously didnt scare people off as a couple of ladies from this big meet & l will meet up again this evening with yet more newbies in a closer pub. There could be 7 of us which is lovely, as small is not intimidating. We all live with in walking distance of the venue which we could all go to anytime...but not alone...not at the moment anyway. For me it is about meeting new people but its also about checking out this established venue, which now has new owners/ landlords, if l like it & feel comfortable l would go there alone again. And thats what l want to be able to do. I dont want to go & be 'hit' on by sleazy males, l want to be able to go out locally, safely & have a meal or a drink on my own without feeling like an oddity or a 'loner'. Having company is good but if it doesnt happen thats ok too. ...the likelihood that it wont happen is slim at this stage now. I think this venue could be good to go to for a coffee & natter...l hope so. 

How did all this happen???   Well my gorgeous well established 'virtual friends' from 'my' fitness group have encouraged & supported me. They've helped me believe in me, have faith in me. Taught me to listen to 'ERIN'...her in my head who talks sense. 

So, watch this space...nothing ventured, nothing gained right? .......

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