RESTORATION

 What a week its been for mind body & soul.  

Finally the return to work happened, the predicted return meeting also happened. The nerves & anxiety were unsurprisingly ok...course they were!! Why do we wind ourselves up??

Day 1 was spent analysing my the task ahead to restore a department after 5 months of neglect, challenge on. Whilst l may be 'just a cleaner/ assistant' i do like the challenge of restoring organised order.  Days 2, 3 & 4 were spent grafting little bits at a time. Little areas at a time, chipping away the neglect back to former glory- cleanliness.  A workshop environment is never going to be pristine but can still be deemed relatively dust free....albeit until term starts & the hustle & bustle of creativity resumes in abundance.

Of course the symbolic gesture of cleaning is psychologically seen as taking back control & thats what ive been doing- i have 3/4 weeks to replant my stamp on what i class as ' my baby', ive been there so long, so have become protective & proud of the departments look. Ive often had parents compliment me on how clean the workshop is, it takes some doing to keep up appearances, i hasten to add. 

Mentally, this week ive gone from anxious, nervous, to very content, confident even. The weather kind of played ball in that it was sunny which is always a bonus. The walks into & from work early morning are fresh & lovely, peaceful. At one with nature, hearing the early birds, seeing squirrels scurring around. Listening to rustling trees. 

The weather was a major talking point as Wednesday temperature went through the roof into space- In my living room at 3pm it was a blistering 31c. My poor cats did not know what to do with themselves. Even for me walking home at 1pm to the local shop, the air hit me as i left with shopping, very like stepping off of a plane in Crete. Overwhelming, airless, made for uncomfortable struggle. Getting home wasnt much better, other than being able to undress to vest & shorts, fling doors, window open & blast fan on. I & the rest of the country must have sweated gallons.  So much so its now Saturday & hasnt stopped raining......all that moisture evaporated to be transformed into copious amount of rain water now. 

Im proud to add that i kept up with my FBW despite the heat. l also conquered a lone walk up an isolated country lane through a field with cows & frisky bull. Something ive wanted to do for ages but anxiety always prevents such jaunts. But i did it. The walk from one turnstyle to the other seems like a never ending swim, you can see the end but it takes for ever to reach...but I did it. Was so chuffed with myself & its such a lovely walk...was cool under the tree canopy that runs alongside the golf course & stream. 

I did wake this morning after another restless warm sleep feeling alittle like l'd been hit with a truck, but once the WD40 within my joints kicks in i cracked on with restoring my flat to its former glory having been left over the week to concentrate on work. My head at the beginning had been full of plans on how l was going to achieve & conquer my quest. Todays conqering was just normal housework which in a 1 bed flat takes no time at all, the result is a fragrant abode ready for me to totally relax in tomorrow- Sunday officially a day of rest!!! Ready to recommence the Dept restoration challenge on Monday. 

As much as ive kind of enjoyed being 'locked up' for 5 months without work - my pre-reitrement trial. I do love a routine, getting up at a set time, set clothes, boring routine some may say, but it organised structure for me & lm good with that. It makes for a calm existence, i know what im doing when, i know how much time i'll have to do what i want after ive done what i get paid to do. Or course going in early helps as im then free for most of the afternoons- so its all a good balance. Admittedly this week i did come home & just sit & do nothing most days - (usual boring stuff wash up make tea) doesnt count as activity in my book. 

Despite the lack of physical company & actual conversations with real face to face people, i have kept very calm & happy- tired due to being too hot to sleep. But the 5 months isolated 'lock up time' allowed me to become accustomed to my own company & lack of actual contact. And i've been surprisingly really ok with it. What was many years ago a huge fear i had of being ' alone', i actually relish it. 

So being restored to the 'new norm' of having to stay in 'work bubbles' ie in our own depts. is suiting the 'new me'.  Whilst i may be restoring work back to where it came from im an not restoring me backwards- i am firmly going forwards with the contented, calm, confident me.