Just finished watching a series on Nexflix called The Maid- recommended to me by a private Facebook group for women. Its a about a girl who escapes domestic violence and turns her life around.
It could have been written about me and many other women l'm sure. The girl in the programme escapes- runs away twice not from violent abuse but from emotional- coercive abuse. But because her scars are not visible she has to fight the "system" to prove that she has been abused.
In fact she has to also accept herself that she has actually been in a DV relationship. This is based in America so the rules, regulations etc are different to those over here in the UK.
Just because there are no physical black and blue bruises does not mean l or you or other people have not been in a DV relationship. Mental scars from my own experience are far harder to heal from. A colourful bruise will fade and disappear. Mental and emotional bruising stays buried for life. Resurfacing at the slightest trigger- a sound, a smell, a song, a place.
Like the character portrayed l began writing, she wrote about her menial jobs, about her customers homes. I write when there is no one to talk too. When l have things l want to say and no one to listen, then l publish- post those words and thoughts on here for the world and who ever to read.
The character rekindled her love of writing, found her college application and reapplied gaining a scholarship so she could then go on and turn her life around for the sake of her daughter and herself. She fought the system and won. She did what she had to do to break the cycle.
l had a conversation with a work collegue just the other day about a job someone l know does where they make a lot of money even though they got chucked out of school with no qualifications, they've turned things around and not only do they graft hard for their living, they are now paying it forward and helping their family members. I digress, the collegue whilst saying he envied that person said - his "principles" stopped him from applying for a job in the same place because he disagreed with the company. I replied "principles" don't pay bills, "principles" don't provide you with a living.
When life dealt me the "lone parent" card l went against my principles to do jobs to provide for my children and l. I can hold my hands up and say whilst l was not ever going to become "just a cleaner" l've been with my employer as a "cleaner" for 20 years and l'll be there until l can retire in just 5 years time. As a result of all the sweat, some tears, blood, aching bones and muscles my graft has paid off.
All 4 of my now adult children are grafters, l was able to take them on holidays, trips, experiences, feed them, clothe them and provide them with a comfortable, mostly happy life which they are now paying forward with their own children.
Principles, l had, have principles but when push comes to shove to you have to let them slide. Especially if you want to turn things in your life around.
DV- l survived, been there, done that, got all the t-shirts made this Maid who she is today.
What your happiest day? Experience?? - l've had too many to count but the best may be yet to come with or without principles.
