- Its been 7 days since i returned, but today im just not feeling it.
Dont know if its a 'pmpmt' low, if its weather related or just bleurgh low, where everythings become reality & the adjustment to mind, body & soul is in full swing. From 5 months of do what i want when i want structured routine, to paid do what l have to structured routine. And yes l do seriously like boring routine, but think my body & mind is going to take alittle longer to catch up.
I did my FBW yesterday, after some heavy grafting, wanted it done & out the way as soon as l got in, then tried to relax with a bath afterwards. But relaxation is also something which is taking a hit. Woke aching & very stiff this morning & just feeling 'meh'!! I'm working alone this week which is fine, as l just crack on, radio on & just get on with the task in hand.
Another adjustment is my food timetable which l think could also be contributing to todays low- is my low, tiredness & lack of energy due to grafting again, low protein & carbs in take. My calories are the same but the output is now higher. So many adjustments being made right now. Am guessing by the time term starts properly mind, body & soul will know what its doing again. Having said that the restoration period will have ended so another timetabled routine will be commencing- thats if the timetable has been sorted out properly....this usually takes until October- 6 weeks to kick in properly. Then it will be half term & time off mode again...& so begins the school annual regime, familiarity. Of course since lockdown the 'New norm' will be place - wonder how different the regime will be??!
My 'new' way of thinking is beginning to emerge too. Due to all my brood being in established happy family units of their own, my role/ job as Mum has changed. Abit like my role/ job as 'just a cleaner' a Mums role is never over- nor should it be, its a lifetime role, it does become less nurturing and productive, more side line observation. With a sub role of Nannie taking its place. My role at work is not that of 'just a cleaner' but an assistant- jack of all trades. My role of Mum is reverting back to role of 'Me'- planning my future, wanting to make new friends with new life interests, looking for people a person to share 'stuff' with. Is it a new role or more a new chapter in my life.
Five months of alone lock up has changed me, certainly mentally. Think l became selfish or as l learned from a wise advicer 'Not selfish- self First'. Think we all have to eventually become 'self first' to survive life. Is it a bad thing? no, l dont think so. Its what makes us happy...hopefully.
So from feeling 'meh' and low i'm now a deep thinker looking forward to what lies ahead , l dont know what that is. Nor do l fear it, which is unusual for me, as l 'normally' have a fear of the unknown. But i dont know what there is to fear. I do know i want things to change, not change drastically, but improve should l say- i want more in my life. I have 4 great adult children, 7 gorgeous grandchildren- i know im greedy & very lucky. I have a long standing job with a few more years to do before i get to experience the freedoms of the last 5 months, albeit differently by then. But l never intended to be alone for the rest of my life, so now that the opportunity to make new friends has presented itself , l need to grab it & make it fit my current existence. And find a structured timetable that allows for these new extras.
So my low becomes a high....not a mega one but a comfortable sustainable one.
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