So l've been doing trial runs, getting up with alarm early then leaving for a quick walk around the block when im due to walk to work.
For those who have "had the call" l highly recommend doing a trial run, to get your mind & body prepped to go back. Whilst im nervous , anxious even,we have thunderstorms imminent over the next 4 days- of course we do!! which l dont want to be out walking in. Hate them at the best of times, they are however taking my mind off going back to work. Am more worried about them than going back.
From what l gather there wont be many of us back - 3 weeks before pupils are due back, however colleague i work with is going to come in for a catch up. Will take the 4 predicted stormy days to get back into the swing of things.
Such alot to think about going back after 5 months, have l said this already- l dont know cant remember. What clothes to wear, what shoes to wear. Having a kind of work uniform makes that easier & the imminent wet storms will also sort out the shoes/ coat dilemna too. But when you've been in comfy trainers, flip flops for 5 months, havent been out -out in rough weather it does take some thinking about. Even the prepping of these things is nerve wracking & not doing my anxiety any good at all.
I know l wont be the only person to go through this & lm guessing by the end of the first 4 days in things will "feel normal" again very quickly. I really do not want to go back to old habits & routines if possible. Ive changed, everythings changed, so going backwards isnt an option really.
The positives, cos everyone says you have to look for those little beauties dont they. Well, obviously back to full pay - always a major thing to be positive about, the great location of where i work- the surroundings are fabulous, nature inspired, green playing fields, hills in the distance, the walk to & from work- good for mind & body, the routine/ structure of the day, weeks & months- termly is always a good thing. As you have a purpose & goal- 6 week slots. Small stints like that are great as seem more do-able. The changing seasons i'll finally get to experience this year- Autumn is always a favorite mix of sun & cold, with the most glorious colours- my favorites always.
I did some prep work earlier this morning, but just doing that, trivial little things made my anxiety hit the roof, i was faffing. My stomach had a swarm of butterflies, my heart was racing!! Ffs...its ridiculous im in the safety of my home still, this wont be happening until the morning. "Her in my head" who talks sense is telling me to stop being stupid, calm the f... down!! I feel light headed. STOP....go get some lunch, sit for 5 mins, keep calm. Write on here get it out there, out ya system. Then spend the afternoon colouring. Ive a facetime natter due with my cousin which is always a good 2 hour chart session so that'll sort me out. Ive just seen a 'virtual friends' anxiety busting achievement which is just amazing so proud of her. Yet im flapping about going somewhere i know, with people ive known for years.
Get a grip....im not going to the bloody moon....im returning to work, where they pay me to do stuff, ive been there nigh on 19 yrs....Get a grip, get it done, it will all be ok in the end.......And tomorrow when l get home i'll feel great, because it wont have been as bad as l think its going to be, then "her in my head" will say 'See, told you not to be so stupid'.
Anxiety....do one!!!
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