DELLUSIONAL

So the fat loss plan im on says we're to weigh ourselves daily then take the 7 day average as our weight.  Everything on the plan is over a 7 day average- the amount of given calories consumed, the amount of daily steps, workouts, litres of water, Fibre foods allowance, protein food allowance.  

I was doing really well before Christmas 2019 i wasnt doing regular FBW (full body workouts) but was hitting steps, water, i was working getting free lunches which meant being unable to weigh & track my food intake accurately.  Christmas happened i didnt go over board- how can you when you have a 92 year old staying with you who eats lots of sweet things, questions any alcohol consumption, even dictates when you go to sleep in your own home at 59 yrs old!!! 

Straight after Christmas/ New Year when work life normality resumed i was back to tracking food like a trooper, where possible guesstimating my lunches, making good food choices. Steps were back up, FBW didnt happen to be honest. And the scales were ok acceptable the 4lb whatever it was i'd gained over Christmas didnt just "drop off". But i maintained and the inches remained off even if the pounds didnt!!

Then lockdown happened!!!

I focused strictly on keeping physically active in order to keep my mind sane & body from losing its shit!!   Up at 5.30am regularly 7 days a week to jog on the spot, 3 x FBW a week regularly lifting weights, pushing myself physically, then i discovered "dance steps"- jogging / dancing to get my steps in , to the point of increasing my daily step count to 15000.  

The scales were inching up but am told faithfully unless ive eaten 3500 extra calories this would be muscle gain not fat.  However, as much as l physically pushed myself & my mind was the majority of the time up there feeling positive, with my new "virtual social life" who are very supportive & encouraging to all who participate. I still had the odd old "slimming club" mentality towards some foods but in the main ive got this fat loss plan down to a tee.  However, my body & im nigh on 10-15 years older than the "girls" in the gang, became sore, bones/ joints seriously hurt when i turn over in bed, when i get up i struggle to bend over, to even walk until i've "warmed up".  Was this my body telling me im doing to much, probably!!  So things changed i dropped the very early morning jogging spot  for the evening dance ones which increased to sometimes 6 nights a week. Meaning i went to bed knackered & sweaty but i did sleep better.  I would however wake the next morning in pain again as my body objected to the lively dance moves from the night before.  I took a break as l had family stuff on over a space of 5 days. No dance, no steps, no 99% intake tracking.  Then when i resumed with a FBW & full tracking the scales started inching up again!!!  This can happen if you've taken a break im faithfully told that your body will hold on to water, it will hydrate your rested muscles assuming you are going to re-starve it.  Two weeks on from this particular event today saw the scales rise by 1.6lb overnight!!! Wtf??!! Logic kicks in - i had wholewheat pasta for tea, i drank a glass of low cal tonic water, i did a FBW, i drank my 4l of water, i hadn't had a poo (sorry tmi!!) but its all relevant and it does make sense. What i can not get my head around is the swollen, ' pregnant looking buddha belly' that has re-emerged & is making me feel quite frankly pissed off.!!  

What else can l do i stick to my calories,  im physcially active, ok i could & should increase my steps as they are lacking at the moment, but does the lack of stepping & rarely hitting my protein goal seriously produce the 'pregnant belly' ???   Or am as titled dellusional in my thinking???  Is it as i often wonder a tumour of some sort??  If l go to the doctors & ask for a scan to see whats happening in there going to show me the anwser, i dont know.  I also  dont think the doctor at this moment in time will want me to be bothering the system with this query, with the usual anwser you need to lose weight & it wont go overnight.    I have lost weight since they last saw me nigh on 3 stone actually!!.  But what is the anwser??  I finished a beautiful christmas cardigan yesterday only to discover whilst it fits perfectly across my arms & back there is no way on earth its going around the 'pregnant buddha belly'. 

On another subject with in my current dellusional state of mind, an elderly Aunt died 2 wks ago, but due to the situation funeral arrangements are limited, lack of transport & money on my part meant i was nat able to attend the funeral 'up country' from where l live.  So, another cousin and l held our own facetime memorial service to her , raised a glass, sang the parting song, reminisced- lovely.  Only for me to now discover that my Brother who lives about an hour away from me actually attended the funeral in person!!  Ok so he doesnt contact or speak to me other than the odd Christmas card never rings me, rarely rings our elderly mum. I have in the past reached out to him but get absolutely nothing back. So am i dellusional in thinking he 'could've' rung me & offered to take me & mum to my Aunts funeral??? Had this happened, then the cousin with whom i had the memorial would also have pushed herself & attended despite her son having mental health issues at the moment. There was also no wake, but had there been more of us in attendance we could've gone for a meal or a drink & held our own wake. 

Again am i dellusional in my thinking that offering to be nice to  your own flesh & blood at a time of sorrow would be a lovely gesture. 

Or is that it just that ....DELLUSION.!!!