It's been a while since l took to here to air my thoughts and feelings. But as in all living things have moved on & changed.
Roles have reversed- my elderly mother fiercely stubborn & independent has become a frail old lady, reliant upon my adult children and me to help her with the many falls and incidents she's been having since July 2022.
I've become the parent or at least because of my hearing loss disability my youngest daughter 30 has, she's previous experience of caring. While l do care for my Mum we've never had a brilliant relationship.
I am not a natural old people carer, give me stroppy teenagers and children and l can deal with them. Oldies are not my thing, never have been never will be.
But lm in conflict as her daughter l want her to be safe and happy. l have my life here in a different county, l don't drive and am reliant on my adult children to drive me to mum or use public transport which takes 4 hours by bus just to get there- so not a journey that can be done in a day. It also costs- £40 per journey by train or bus- extra money l don't have. My age lm over 60 now so my body objects to overdoing it. These are not excuses they are genuine reasons. My own health is now at risk as a result of the stress which has been caused. The relationship with my children, my youngest inparticular has changed, she wants and see that things for mum should be done immediately and in a certain way. But the fact is life and the system that is social care has its own agenda and rules.
If mum lived locally, we as my family of 5 would be able to fetch and carry for mum all the time and would gladly do it. Juggling work, home, and her to meet her needs.
But what do we do? Without a power of attorney and mums consent our hands are tied. Unless she agrees to what we see as the best option there is nothing we can do.
Just yesterday she was re-admitted to hospital at 1am, we were told. l don't drive and we were all at work or tied by childcare as its half term. So mums taken to hospital presumably in her pyjamas, no other belongings. She still there now and will remain there until a relevant care package for her can be put in place for her to return home to carry on her independent living. None of us can get firstly to her house to get her clothes, before going a further 10-20 miles to the hospital to give them to her.
l do genuinely feel bad that she has no visitors or belongings with her but what can l do??
l do have a brother but he hasn't bothered for years, he wrote to her on her birthday in October with some hint of mental health problems but hasn't messaged me to ask how she is . He sent her a xmas card didn't ask how she was. His step daughter is disgusted how he's neglected her but has she done anything different No!! Sounds really mean and my daughter says its the wrong thing to do. But when she's passed l may message him and say "oh by the way mum passed" after the event of the funeral. Yes that's harsh but why the hell should l put myself out for someone who clearly doesn't give a monkeys. Despite numerous requests/ demands for help.
I rant on here as there's no one to talk to, to rant too, l live alone. My adult kids rightly so have their own families and lives. And so l pour my heart and soul out on here.
To be continued ...................
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