Friday, 6 April 2012
From conception, feeling sick, fat and an emotional wreck, to over whelming unconditional love at birth of a tiny bundle that you helped create.
Through the incessant crying, sleepless nights, milky puked stained clothes. Through all of 'the stages', 2 year old tantrums, terrible 3's, playgroup, school, bullying, make-ups, fall outs. Homework, plays, after school clubs, pre-school clubs.
The dreaded teen years, where everything you say and do is wrong, where everything they say and do is wrong!!
The over sleeping, over active, lazy, can't be bothered, sulks, tantrums, hormones, tears, swearing, rule breaking, abuse stage that changes at a switch of love and relationships and grown up freedom.
Your hard earned freedom, when they leave the nest, to make their way, to make their own lives. Your tears and heartbreak. Your regret, your guilt at ever making them endure things they did not want to endure- doctors, vaccinations, dentist, holidays with horrid relatives, flying, sailing, reprimands.
You as a Mum, experience all of this and more and can not picture yourself as an old over weight, tired, ragged-ed woman with grown up adults that were once your little bundles of joy.
The same bundles of joy who now as grown adults and parents themselves, treat you with contempt, who blame you for all the bad things in their lives, who make you their life giver, feel worthless, hurt, powerless. You went through abuse in every shape and form, yet protected them, made decisions to protect them, made sacrifices to benefit them - now thrown back in your face, because it was your fault.
You are their Mother, their Mum and yes it is your fault. Because you gave them LIFE.