THE SAME YET SO DIFFERENT

Hi all, so the first week of term is back and done.

 New pupils, new staff, and new school years have started everywhere. Yet things feel so different.  I'm about to retire after 22 school years with my employer because mentally and physically l can't do the job anymore. I've listened to my body and it hurts a lot now from doing things I've done for many years. The stamina is lacking even if the mind says l can still do physical things.  

I feel mentally mixed -on one hand, l can not wait to no longer have to wake early with an alarm, wear the same drab dark clothes, and trek 30 mins in all weathers, light and dark mornings. Then on the other l will actually miss some of the morning treks seeing and being amongst nature as it changes seasons. I look forward to wearing my own bright clothes, and jewellery, waking naturally when I've had enough sleep, and taking my time to merge into the day with a proper non-rushed breakfast.  Planning my days and weeks activities, instead of the same 6 weekly routine. 

I feel guilty for leaving my work family, and my department colleagues whose lives I've been a part of for 15-16 years, some are actual friends now, confidantes, trusted guys- which for me is major.

 I mean the department will no longer be cleaned or set up like I've done it for the past years, l can 'read' the room and instantly know where things should be, where the boss man would like them to be. I am the font of department knowledge for the little things that keep it ticking over smoothly. I know when the staff members are looking for something or need to know things. l can assist pupils. l am a smiling helpful staff member, part of a team. 

That team is part of another team which functions within an even bigger one, which has in turn become its own unique community. 

Every school year I've been here things have been the same, yet different. Same routines, slightly modifying annually, yet new beginnings for staff and pupils alike. New lives blossom from the same learning facilities. Many learn and welcome new cultural differences too, all within the same structural buildings that have seen thousands of people come and go over hundreds of years. 

And now as l work my last weeks, my last term, my last school year doing the same things with the same people, things and feelings- my feelings are different. Mixed emotions because this 'institution' has been a part of me, and my family for so long. It has given me regular paid employment, which has provided for my family, and given us opportunities to travel, to see and experience things we never would have. It's employed 3 of my 4 now adult children. I've met and been privileged to have known and nurtured some now famous successful people. I've laughed, loved, sweated copiously, bled- a little and grown with this place. Because things were the same year on year but different.  Various world issues have also affected my time here as they did others- various medical issues sars, bird flu and of course COVID-19 when the whole world stopped. 911 when the whole world grieved. The passing of the Queen, Prince Phillip. the passing of my own Mum and family members when l grieved. Staff members have passed and the same community members pulled together to support each other. 

And things carry on the same, people get up, brush themselves off and carry on the same but different.