Hi, how are you doing? I'm back, a little greyer, wiser- maybe, a little rusty at this that's for sure.
The last time l posted l had a parent, sadly now l am in all senses an orphan who is about to retire from the world of work. Hence coming back I will need somewhere to talk when there are no actual humans around.
So what happened, well we sadly lost Mum to the ripe old age of 95 nigh of 96, and we had a few trial runs at her passing!! In the end, she had her peaceful end surrounded by those who loved her in a place that respected her and looked after her albeit for the last 4 days of her life.
Things started going downhill from June 2022 with little falls here and there, which gradually worsened. Cognitive capabilities began to fail, and hospital stays increased which made for difficult visits as we all work, l don't drive and there are grandbabies to negotiate too. We made the decision to help us more to move her up to where we all live so that we could see her and help her. We found what we perceived as a lovely home, modern, clean, lovely outlook close by. They sold us the perfect ending and care. Little did we know that they were liars, they in the end couldn't/ wouldn't cater to her needs. She'd given up on life and spent hours sitting alone in her room knitting looking out at nature, actual and imagined. Had she been in her own home, she would still have been sat alone for hours knitting, looking out at nature and the changing seasons, the passers-by who used to wave at her. But the 'care home' shipped her off to the local hospital where things went from bad to worse, to be honest. Physical and mental neglect, even we found out later, abuse. After a few weeks which felt like months there, they asked for her to be discharged. We found hurriedly a new lovely home that actually cared, run by people the family knew. And as I've already mentioned that's where she spent her last 4 days on this earth.
Thurs 8th June 2023 9.34am will forever be etched in our thoughts and memories, it was a sunny cool morning, with the scent of roses and honeysuckle. And we gathered together as a family to say our final goodbye.
What followed was a lot of trips back and forth to her hometown 'to arrange things'. We went to see her for the last time too, she was dressed in her new outfit, laid in her beautifully lined 'bed', looking a bit like her late twin sister- she'd hated that.
I had to go back to work before our final big family gathering, something l found hard to digest. It didn't feel right being at work, carrying on as 'normal' before she'd been sent on her way. Two long weeks l think it was until friends, and family from far and wide gathered. She's planned and paid for all of it we just had to pull it together and make it happen and we did. I think we did her proud, it wasn't an overly sad day, she didn't want that.
Then we spent the rest of the year emptying and packing up her home of 35 years, we distributed the copious handmade pictures and treasure to family and friends. So every one of us has a keepsake made by her. She's made photo albums, records of every decade of her life from the 1930s up to 2021 even including the covid year when the whole world was locked up. History l find fascinating- seeing aunts and cousins from their childhoods is timeless.
Then we sold the house- the whole process of that is as expected an emotional rollercoaster, from removing the last filled box to the marketing promotion to the viewings from strangers who felt like they were intruders. The first one was her old gardener which was ok and felt right, someone she knew was interested. Didnt feel so invasive. The final accepting couple fell in love with it and were we were told very excited about buying it so that final chapter closed Mum's story. Sad ending but a happy new beginning.
Then of course the financial bits are dealt with, a little conflict caused by Mum herself but something we could do nothing about. Her legacies paid out and our new lives started or assisted at least. We are all duty-bound now to honor her wishes and make the most of her generosity. For me, this is a testing time as what l would've liked to do isn't quite happening as yet, if it ever will. In the meantime, l will give up my paid work which l physically and mentally can no longer manage and have a life, hopefully now of happiness and fulfillment,
Of course, along with every sad ending, there is always the joy of a new beginning and a new life and daughter no. 2 had a surprise baby on the back of Mum's passing. As she said a gift from Mum herself, and she is that. Auburn hair and the biggest blue eyes, the cutest smile that warms and melts our hearts.
There is the story of the baby blanket too, but l will leave that for another day very soon.
For now, l am back I've updated you on the main events and will regularly keep you updated. I'd like to think- hope you will enjoy reading my waffling. If you do please comment.
Thank you and I'll see you soon. 👋
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