DAY TRIP-ARLINGTON COURT.

 

I am trying something different this time. Hope you enjoy the read.  As always, these are my words and feelings, and my own style of writing. This is how l write whilst on the move, so all taken from my note book and random not structured.

Thurs. 9th April Day trip to National Trust property Arlington Court and Carriage museum in North Devon. Travelled with Uptons Coaches.

Day trip time, weather 8am cloudy at the moment as I trek to the pick up point a half-hour walk up the road. Nerves kicking in, or should I say adrenaline, happy to be going out, out visiting somewhere new.  Its been a while. But is the start of travel day trip season for me anyway.

Not many of us today- 11  in total. The Tiverton purple lady is a regular and a very able-bodied frail elderly lady who sits and chuckles at all sorts. The rest of my fellow travellers are new bodies and not overly chatty.

We arrived at 11.30am, as did the heavy, drizzly wet rain; it had been dry up to Bampton, our last pick port. Then fog & damp followed us over Exmoor. 

Had a quick pit stop in the cafe for a sausage roll and coffee served by very friendly, welcoming staff. Looked at the mini map then set off to trek the estate, trekking through trees, rhododendrons which are beginning to blossom- I love a rhododendron.  Daffodils, carpets of primroses and, wild garlic which smells gorgeous, bluebells in 3 shades of colour- blue pink and white. 

Its 2.20pm, I've been in the old stables where 40 glorious carriages are housed, most built in the 1800's from wood and leather, all in great condition, given their age and use by the landed gentry and royalty- Queen Vic no less. I've been in the grand house too, which had a lovely feel to it, homely and warm. Was home and owned by the Chichester Family in particular, a strong female Rosalie Chichester. 

For my last hour l took shelter back in the cafe for cream tea and a cuppa, of course its stopped raining now I'm indoors!!  

Cream tea- so full up now, think new meds prevent me from eating so much, which has to be a good thing, as I feel quite sick and bloated right now. I moved into the other closed dining area to shelter from the cold and crocheted until the bus came.

Anyway, back to Arlington, a lovely house, great gardens, kitchen, walled , wooded lots of winter storm damage where huge trees with their roots just fell over ripping up their attachment to the earth. Quite sad and amazing considering the size of them.

Lots of wild garlic, especially down a little path into a woodland canopy with a babbling brook, moss-covered logs and bluebell carpets- loved it down there  a nice atmosphere.

Had a mooch around the shop with its usual National Trust goodies, candles honey jams, blankets, etc. but as l left and started to walk back noticed a black and white bird hopping around the field it wasn't a wagtail- I would say a Blackbird with a health problem as it was quite distinctive black and white plumage.. 

Typical, as we're about to leave, the sun came out, no heat like yesterday, where we had a day of summer!! 

Slept well for an hour in the warmth as we drove back through Exmoor valley and its sleepy villages and towns, as if time has stood still here.

Been a good day lots of trees and nature inclusion, which l loved. Even stroked the stone memorial stone of Vanguard, the estate dog who apparently ad died aged 13 7 weeks after he lost his owner.  The carriage museum was fascinating, with some seriously old but well-preserved carriages.

Lots of things for kids to do given it's the Easter holidays. Staff in the cafe were super friendly. But they do need to provide napkins!! 

Watched a gang of kids climbing a huge tree, nice to see kids doing outdoorsy things. 

I need to sort a travel diet that's not bread and pastry-based so l dont feel like l am right now. 

Indoors, jammies on and it's 6pm. Got dropped off by J25 so not so far to walk home makes a difference. Quick walk past tesco to get light food options to calm my still bloated belly. 

Been a long day but a good one. Until next week. Wiltshire destined.

HAPPY EASTER

Happy Easter, everyone. 

A time for religious and non-religious celebrations. Bunnies, Lambs, chicks, new life, new leaves, Spring beginnings springing into life.

The return of the sun and warmth. 

Apparently, Easter Sunday is always the first Sunday after the first full moon after the equinox.  The divine moon decides when we have Easter.

It's about Jesus being crucified on the cross and rising again when he vanishes from a stone tomb. Where I live, 3 crosses get erected on a hill to symbolise this.  Even though I'm not religious its a nice sight to see.

And Easter is about abundance of food- simnel cake, easter biscuits, hot cross buns, chocolate easter eggs, roast lamb dinners.  And a 5-day weekend if you're lucky enough not to have to work. 

But the 5-day weekend can be a drag for some people. 

Going to be Debbie Downer now and say if you're a baby boomer, empty nester without transport, those 5 days and any bank holiday can just be a reminder that it's a time that your offspring have flown the nest, have families of their own and will exclude you from festivities.  Whether they mean to or not. Or more than anything, and rightly so, do their own family thing.

It doesn't make things any easier to stomach or cope with the reminder that you/ l am alone and isolated. There is no affordable transport on a Sunday or a bank holiday.

Anxiety prevents me from wandering alone around the local area despite the glorious weather. If I were to live within walking distance of a beach, I wouldn't have a problem walking alone. But in an urban-rural area alone, I do.

I think the plan of action for future bank holidays would be to book to go away to a seaside venue so that I can then dine and walk alone without any issues.

WHAT IS A MUM?

 

What is a Mum, Mother, Mummy, Mom?

Here in the UK we've just had Mothering Sunday, a day to celebrate all mums. All women who nuture children. Whether it be their own or step children, foster children. Some women dont actually nuture. Some dont want to be mothers, each to their own. 

This blog has been inspired by me listening to podcasts whilst crafting. Today l listened to an inspriational lady whom l admire, we havent met in person but have on zoom. Lise Thorne- Walking_this_way podcaster, instagram icon for Midlife women, Money Conversationalist with her mate Adrienne. On todays pod Lisa spoke to her guest speaker Lara Milward who said her upbringing in Canada had inspired her to be who she is today. She was bought up in a world where being a girl didnt mean you couldnt do something. 

My own upbringing was kind of the same l guess!  In that my mum wasnt a tactile mum at all. She was one of 5 sisters, a twin, she lived to the ripe old age of nearly 96. She passed just 3 years ago. And yes l do miss her because she made me who l am today. 

I was and still am l think, searching, craving for that love she never gave me. She wasn't a tactile mum, she was intelligent and skilled in all things needlework. She taught me and many others how to knit, sew, crochet.  She taught me how to me because I rebelled and fought against what she wanted to be. When it came to choosing my options in school l wanted to do art because l loved art and still love crafting. But no, "she decided" I was going to do French and be a bilingual secretary!!!  

Needless to say l did not pass French because l didnt study it, because I did not want to do it.  So l didnt.!!

Over the years, I've had a variety of jobs, the last one lasted 22 years of physical grafting. But my best and most accomplished job was that of a Mum. Alone parent in the end to my 4 now adult children. 

A Mother gives life to new humans. I gave life to 4 new humans and 2 angel babies. And in turn have given or rather they've given new life to 8 new humans- 4 girls and 4 boys. 

My mum's harsh upbringing with her Irish Dad during the war years, in London, moulded her into who she became; she, in turn, moulded me into me. I'm strong, resilient, and capable. I'm a crafter, a writer, a family historian, and Grandmother-Nannie. 

I learned to be stubborn, pig-headed, and a do- er because my mum told me l couldnt do things, l wouldnt amount to anything, l wouldnt be able to achieve anything.  So l did stuff any way, l said watch me do the opposite. So maybe she did love me because I proved her wrong. Maybe her tough love was her saying she actually believed in me.  Personally l wish she'd chosen the softer approach that I believe I've used with my 4. Firm but fair. And always giving a cuddle when needed. To all 12 of my humans. 

My upbringing and experiences have shaped my humans into who they are, how they are not just with themselves but with their humans. Having the strict upbringing I had led to naivety, which went onto abusive relationships, which I've come out the other side from, because as my mum put downs pulled me down, the abusive relationships pulled me and physically put me down. I always came back stronger and more resilient. A 6ft 2in para tried to physically and mentally put me down, yet here I am still bloody standing. A lone 64-year-old independent wise crone. I've been, I am the Maiden, Mother, Warrior, Crone. ( my next tattoo)! 

So being a Mum, Mother giver of life means I am, we are, strong, resilient women who deserve and should always be celebrated.  

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY .  

INSOMNIA

 

Insomnia

3 nights pre full Leo Moon

2.46am Awake

Restless legs

Twitchy feet

Tinnitus- constant ringing

Tossing, turning, left side, right side

Cosy bed, cold air windows open ( a little bit)

Cat, no cat company- a feeling of security that some one is there

Heavy eyes

Tired yawning

Aching knees

Hot feet, Cold sheets

Stargazing, rain watching

Sleep no sleep. 

ANXIETY!! - ( contains mild swearing)

Why is anxiety such a bitch!!

I mean going to a health appointment which l knew would be uncomfortable causes no issues at all.  My first bus journey of the new year wasnt an issue either. Nor was standing awaiting the unreliable bus- which was actually on time and running!!  whilst watching the direction of the huge black rain cloud as well.

But getting out of the flat door- oh my gosh!! 

So fuelled with the knowledge that l had an appointment to go to, in my head I planned how l was going to get there.  Originally l decided to be good that l would walk down. Planned in my head the route and rough time it would take me. That night, sleep was a buggar, woke feeling like a coiled spring. Tense, annoyed. Didnt help that after getting up, dressed and ready, l then glanced at my desktop calendar and realised the appointment was the next day!!! What a plank !! 

With this realisation, immediately the annoyance and tense coiled spring relaxed into phew and what a plonker for not reading the letter properly.  Then the lovely people at the medical centre rang me to remind me of said appointment on the day it was meant to happen. Even they giggled when l said l had planned on trekking down a day earlier!!

Cut to day 2. Day of actual appointment. And yet again sleep happened but restlessly and annoyance crept back in. Tossing and turning most of the night. Annoyed at the cat who wanted to share my pillow space as he usually does. Then feeling guilty because i'd been mean to him - he's an old boy as well!!

Morning of the proper day of appointment. Most of which went smoothly.  Kept myself busy, conscious that l had to have an earlier lunch. Adrenaline kicked in, hobby l was doing had shaky hands. And the copious visits to the loo happened which is normal for me when l have anxiety bouts. But why??

I mean, when l get to where I'm excited or nervous to go to i'm fine. Once I'm out the door and en route to the designated transport pick up point, for day trips, when I'm on the bus, plane, whatever it is, I'm fine. I settle into my journey and all's good. 

But getting out the door!!! Nah- it's shit!!

I even have a book titled 'How to tell Anxiety to Sod Off by James Withey' don't even know if I've actually read it, judging by the condition of it, l haven't. Maybe that's the first thing to do after writing this!!

I piss myself off for being anxious!! But it just happens my body reacts. I know that the feelings of excitement and mild fear are the same. l know various coping skills which help. It's when I'm indoors in the safety of my secure bubble, which is home, that l have an issue. 

It's such a bitch!!

BRAIN DUMP BLOG

       Short and sweet little brain dump to kick start the new year.

Thoughts provoked by listening to Fearne Cottons Happy Place podcast, l love to listen whilst crafting.

My past life - teenage years spent alone in my room, where we lived above butchers shops, 2 in particular. Ive realised have shaped my life now. I spent alone time because we had no front door as such so spent hours amusing myself, listening to music- cassettes and vinyl records back then and doing art. Sitting around doing nothing was not an option. Keeping myself busy trained me for my retired life now.  Today is the 3rd January 2026 and l havent physically engaged in conversation with a actual human since Christmas evening, apart from the odd politeness from fleeting delivery people as they race down the stairs having dumped delveries at the door step, having played a game of chicken/ knock down ginger - the game we played as kids where you knock some ones door and leg it before they anwser!! 

Todays delivery people do the same!!

I was brought up in a world where the era was about control by our parents- what we wore, what we ate, how we lived, what jobs and lives we would have, what options we were to do in school.  

These days there is huge freedom and choice and people and children can say no, i dont want, l dont like- they're allowed an opinion and are allowed to voice it, rightly or wrongly.

Whereas we had to put up and shut up to keep the peace. 

Being our authentic selves was not an option.

Its interesting to look back in hindsight and see how l lived back then - ( back in my day!!) is how lm now living today in my flat.

Alone in my flat but today l can and do make my own choices about everything- because l can.

                             

12 CHARMS OF RETIREMENT

 

I became an orphan June 2023 aged 62. 

As a result l spent time with the brother, l rarely see even though he lives an hour away from me, forced together to clear up, settle Mums affairs, sell her & Dads home, reminisce over itinary that we came across. Both gaining inheritance amongst other things Mum had left behind. For which l hasten to add l will be forever grateful.

My said inheritance felt like a lottery win to me having spent my entire adult life working for minimum wage, l made it work, raising my 4 now adult children, fed, clothed and housed them. Took them on adventures, created memories.

With my newly found wealth l did many sensible things, paid off cards, loan, catologues.  I then enjoyed it!! 

I bought my youngest's wedding dress- because if Mum had still been here she would've done that, so the day after my "winnings " hit my account l bought the dress.  Then l started buying jewellery because l could. Because I'd always loved rings and bling but could never wear it in work for health and safety reasons. I made up for lost years of none bling. I've bought rings with meaning behind them, like  my tattoos years before. There is meaning behind every one. 

The wish bone wheat germ ring represents and is a nod to my ancestors who were agriculture farmers many years ago, the females were straw plaiters. 

I bought a pair of designer ankle boots which will last me a lifetime- l felt like a lottery winner walking home with those boots- never in my lifetime have l spent so much on footwear in just one hit. 

Then we move onto the bracelet and the charms, the last of which arrived just yesterday. Thats when l realised l'd done full circle. 

Charm 1- Family is where love grows- have l mentioned l have 4 adult children, 12 beautiful grandbabies so our love continues.

Charm 2- Glow in the dark Pumpkin - as l retired, gave up work in Octoner 2024 after 22 years with the same employer, thats unheard of these days. But when they started making you feel like you dont matter its time to leave and thanks to my "winnings" l was able to put an end to the mental pain and early dark morning winter walks to work. 

Charm 3- a kitten on a ball of yarn - bless when l began this chapter of my life l had 3 fur babies, l'd had a 4th actually a dog, staffy called Maddie who sadly passed a few years previous. I digress, l had 3 fur babies Ozzy fat cat, Bam and Tia. Sadly l had to say goodbye to Ozzy who became, blind, deaf & nuts. So now there is 2- sadly Bam now 19 is too becoming a grumpy, thin, old man.  But he's my little shadow sits next to me always, sleeps next to me always, loves me being retired. And finally Miss Tia our little diva cat, demands cuddles by climbing onto my chest or lap and pushing her way to cuddles. And the yarn, l spend much of my time knitting and crocheting.

Charm 4- Father Christmas my first Christmas waking up alone before l enjoyed the chaos and excitement of my off spring and grandbabies.

Charm 5- Aries horns my sun sign representation.  According to google- courageous, confident, enthusiastic, impatient, short tempered!!, impulsive.Likes comfortable clothes and leadership. Mmm some say courageous as l travel alone and have travelled abroad alone. Confident  not always anxiety stops alot of that. Impatient - yes, like things done yesterday!! No longer short tempered think thats an age thing. Impulsive again not so much these days.  Love comfys .

Charm 6 -Heart with an eternity knot bought by my daughter. My children whom lm forever attached too and love unconditionally.

Charm 7- Hamza hand spiritual good luck and protection from my no.3 daughter. My spirituality has grown immeasurably in the last year. I worship and follow the guidance of the divine that is the Moon.

Charm 8 - Dragonfly represents Mum, my late Mum, whom lm forever grateful for as she made all this happen. We didn't have a great relationship but l learned a lot from her. And l do miss her.

Charm 9- A painting palette- l discovered diamond art and have become addicted to doing it. 19 completed pictures already, no l lie 20 because l did a largeish one as a wedding present. And there are a few pending!! I've also painted a few paint-by-number scenes only able to be done with the right light days and seasons.  All of which keeps me calm and busy with my brain occupied, usually listening to podcasts whilst doing.

Charm 10- Hot air balloon with a house because l've been able to buy my flat outright. Never did l think l'd be a homeowner. But l am now. I've secured my future, stop paying rent, set up my grandbabies' inheritance as the adults dont want it. But thats ok. I've refurbed the bathroom into a safe shower room for my "old age", had lovely soft easy clean flooring laid and lovely light glass clad doors installed. 

Charm 11- Sunflower represents Maddie the dog l lost 6 years ago in the August, also the hot summer we've had this year, with the many, many day trips l went on to all new places with all new people. Having all new experiences. Because l could. Always doing things lve never done before. Because l can.

Charm 12- A Christmas wreath- whilst reorganising and decluttering my "Xmas "cupboard, l came across a project bag Mum had made me many years ago in which l found a canvas cushion kit. Basically cotton printed design of a wreath. Back in the day, Mum a needlewoman all her adult life. Used to buy canvas/ cotton dolls cut them out, stitch them and embellish them before selling them or gifting them. The wreath canvas I am in the process of stitching together and embellishing in her honour. It will be made into a doughnut-shaped cushion only to make itself known every Christmas from now on in.

And there you have it. My 12 charms of retirement so far. Watch this space, there is more to come. Without being morbid, l'm now nigh on 65, not "officially" retired in the eyes of the government. And Mum was nigh on 96 when she passed. So l have probably 30 years of life left to fill.  What's the plan going forward l don't know really??   More trips, more crafting at home. More writing on here, who knows but Me, Myself and l will carry on, living on intuition and what's left of the inheritance (not a lot of that left to be honest)!! 

Thanks for reading - See ya. xx