WHATS THE POINT

 

What's the point of getting up on a very quiet Sunday morning?

I'm retired, I live alone, so why do I "need" to get up? Actually, even on weekdays, why do I "need" to get up?

No longer shackled to the daily grind and routine of "having to get up" because I "have" to go to work to pay for life, rent, food, bills- "stuff" that makes life happen.  So why now do I "have" to get up?

A lovely consultant a few years ago, prescribed me a cocktail of drugs- no, not the dodgy stuff, but medication to keep me alive. Blood pressure, cholesterol, and now Type 2 diabetes drugs to help my body do what it's meant to do. So ideally, I "need" to get up in order to take my morning cocktail of pills at a near regular time of day. And to accompany the pills, I "need" to eat and drink. So that's the point of  "having" to get up in the morning.

Not getting up, or rather not having a "need" to get up, isn't a depressing, suicidal pattern of thinking, far from it.  Its a whats the purpose of me "needing" to get up. There is no one to answer to - well, maybe the one remaining cat who wants her breakfast. But what's my purpose? 

Once I'm actually out of bed, why am I getting dressed when I could and have in the past stayed in my pj's all day? If I'm not going out, not seeing anyone, not speaking to anyone, l dont "need" to get dressed. 

I fill my days with crafting, these days my new addiction is diamond art- I spend hours sitting "arting" whilst listening to podcasts mostly. On other days l sit "arting" listening to the environment outside or to my brain chat - her in my head known to me as Erin. She chats a lot. She brings up things l dont want brought up, l dont want reminding of, good and bad. 

What's the point of these blogs? - my ramblings, wafflings- well, they, these get Erin's chatter out there, out of my head onto virtual paper for people, you reading this to read.  Back in the day, the routine would be get up, wash, dress, sit and have breakfast whilst reading the daily newspaper that was pushed through the letter box, delivered alongside your daily milk delivery.  These days we/ l get up, get washed and dressed, sit with a lap tray to eat breakfast whilst scrolling on my phone!!!

There isn't a lot of difference between those days and now, is there, really?  The newspaper is now in our hands, constantly feeding us with information.  Good and bad news. 

Maybe I should talk to Ben Fogle off the telly to see what he says his guests on New Lives in the Wild say about their purpose, their what's the point views are.

I mean, do they have a routine, a daily, weekly plan of action? I do have a rough daily routine, a pill-taking routine, an eating routine, a food shop fortnightly routine, and a go to bed routine. But I don't have a must-do routine not anymore.  I still use Monday to Friday as my active "working" to do days.

But what is the point of it all?  I am happy enough, I have worked my arse off over many years to provide for my children, I have l hope given them a happy start in life, and it wasn't always day to day fun and happiness we have endured a few traumas over the years, but on the whole we had, I gave them the best I could. I finally achieved most of the goals in my life - that was the point of having and doing the blood, sweat and copious amounts of tears.  Now what? 

What is my point now?  When you're free to please just yourself, do what you want, go where you want, what is the point?

Keep doing what I'm doing because I can, because I want to, because l dont want to, what's the end goal? So when I've finished my existence, people can say she had a good life, she created a lot of stuff, she crafted, she travelled not worldly, but I've travelled. 

Is that the point?