BANK HOLIDAYS

Bank Holidays- an official day off from paid, from routine duties and chores. A day for families to spend quality time together in leisurely pursuits.

The official definition:- { a public holiday in the UK, commonwealth countries, other European countries like Switzerland. Before 1834 the Bank of England observed 33 Saints / religious days. From 1834 this was cut down to 4. Until 1871 when a Liberal politician introduced the Bank Holiday Act under which it was declared that no person is compelled to make payment nor act if he is not compelled to do so. Although today, 2014, there is no automatic right to time off paid or in lieu. Even though most banks and places of employment grant the time off.}

For me a 50+ divorced, separated, single, ex- mother of 4, grandmother of 4 - l say ex-mother as my off spring are all grown and have fled the nest.  For me Bank Holidays mean silent, solitude, where l see no-one, speak to no-one, go no where- (usually due to lack of funds and transport).

A time to become an unwashed, unkempt, recluse in my secure box which also becomes an un-cleaned hovel.

There is a sense of freedom and rebellion in being able, in this day and age, to remain in the same clothes- usually pyjamas for more than one day. Don't get me wrong, l do wash my face, clean my teeth and brush my unwashed, greasy hair every morning, but l don't change my clothes- none of them. Why?

Because l don't have to, because l don't want to, because l don't need to and because l can't be bothered!  What's the point in creating unnecessary work and laundry.

Being a bank holiday recluse is kind of fun, it is lonely not speaking to anyone but  with the wonders of technology a recluse can "chat on line" to an array of people in a variety of locations and indeed countries. I have a virtual friend whom I've "chatted" to for years in Australia, we've never met but know each other well.

Bank holidays are for me days to spend continual time on one hobby/ activity without interruption, without clock watching, without the routine of having to make, lunch, tea, supper. Yes being a bank holiday recluse means l eat, drink, clean and wash when l want- if l want!  I can use a different plate and the same cup everyday at every meal without 'having to' wash up. The floors can remain littered with crumbs, craft debris and rubbish- at the moment the kitchen and hallway are covered in talcum powder which was liberally spread to stop the invasion of ants l had the other day. And as l have 3 cats and a dog, there are now white foot prints everywhere as well.

As a bank holiday recluse its okay because no one will know, no one will see. The front door remains fully locked and door curtain remains closed- shutting out the outside world.

Tomorrow - normal life returns, routine, clock watching, paid employment, engagement in speech, physical contact with people l know and don't know. My silent solitude will end. I will thoroughly clean and restore my home, l will thoroughly bathe and restore me. I will re-join civilisation and real life until the next Bank Holiday.

ONE MANS JUNK.....ANOTHER WOMANS BARGIN

I am quietly amused that my bi-annual clear out of seasonal clothes has caused such interest.
Spring and Autumn see's me drag my giant suitcase from its hibernation place, in my spare wardrobe, in the spare room, onto the spare bed. Where upon it is duely opened revealing each seasons clothes- spring/ summer autumn/ winter. Clothes l've owned and worn or not as the case maybe for Summer clothes, many times over many years.
Each time, each item is duely examined and re-hung to be re-worn for yet another relevant month of the year. Each item is checked for size, style and like-ability. Yet as l get older each item is also catergorised into "Can l get away with wearing that....'at my age'"!!!
And as a result l have this season discarded a few items that l either have never worn, or have worn many times but can no longer get away with wearing 'at my age'.
And l discovered the new trendy ability to sell for profit online across the country my discarded items of clothing.
One such item is as l write being fought over by several people in a cyber battle for the ultimate jumble sale prize. Very much l hasten to add to my ever increasing amusement.
Even non wearable items have actually sold to anonymous buyers into cyber space. Something l have found totally amazing, quite amusing and addictively exciting.   I 'post' the relevant obligatory photo of my junk online with a description and any price l choose plus post & packaging costs and watch regularly as strangers with strange nicknames haggle and bid for my old stuff.
The excitement l get when l see some one 'bid' on my items is unexplainably weird. The 'buzz' l get, not only because l obviously make free money from old stuff, but the exhilaration that a stranger has noticed my once loved or unloved stuff and wants to give me money in exchange is great fun.
When did we become obsessed with making easy money from rubbish, or even just gaining 'new' stuff for free, recycling, upcycling, foraging, free cycling. Have we always been people who want something for nothing, people in search of bargins at any price, to the amusement  and joy of others.
Where did the saying come from...One mans junk is anothers mans treasure? for me its more like One womans discarded stuff is my new found pleasure.
                                          THANKYOU xx

WOULD YOU?- I WONDER?

Isn't it funny how the things you dread doing are the most enjoyable!  I have just spent the morning gushing to prospective parents with bottomless money pits that educating their off spring at my place of work is a good idea. But would l do it?

Am l a hypocrite for doing so?  I totally get why - if you're child is exceptionally gifted in a certain subject and you have the monetary ability to send them to a school that nurtures that capability, why you would do it. 

However, l firmly believe if you have children then 'you' bring them up to the best of your ability. 'You' teach them the difference between right and wrong, 'You' teach them manners, how to speak, how to read, how to do the basics in life. Preferably before they join the education system, where they if they attend state schools, will learn a whole lot more than the 3r's.  And not all good things either.

My 4 children were all educated in the Hard School of Knocks - which specialises in life skills. They can obviously all read, write, do basic maths but non were academic geniuses, anymore than l was/ am.  Doesn't mean we aren't educated because we all were/ are. We've all learned the hard way in life, which personally l don't think is a bad thing.  My children can all run houses, raise children, work and have a life. But they don't have that expensive piece of paper that says they went to the 'bestest school ever'.

And they certainly wouldn't - even if l had had the money to do it, have gone 'away' to school. If they had been gifted with a passion for a subject and l'd had the money to spend on nurturing that gift, then yes l would have paid to encourage that skill. But l would not have paid to send my child away for the privilege.

Over the years there were probably times when l would have gladly given my children away!!!......briefly. (Jokes).  But hand on heart l would not 'pay' extortinate amounts of money for my children to board, to live away from 'home', to be raised by 'others' in a non one to one environment. Yes they learn to be independent children, they learn to travel across the world - unaccompanied, they learn a higher standard of basic education, but they aren't all happy. They learn to cope in institutional enviroments.  Do they learn to have fun, make mud pies, have carpet picnics, have welly walks, learn how to live in the real world...no! They don't.

Many then leave one institution to join the next one, where they can learn how to drink continually, party, and build up mass debts - University. Then if they survive are let free as 'adults' to go and live in the world, or better still run the world!!!  And we all know the mess that's in.

So am l right in encouraging those interesting people l met today, and indeed over the past few years of  Open Day Meets & Greets to spend their endless amounts of money to off load their children to be educated where l work.  Or should l be saying "What are you thinking sending your little bundles of joy" to us. Educate them by all means, encourage that future Prime Minister!! but have them at home, living with you, being loved by you. The cost of that PRICELESS.

BELITTLED BY THOUGHTS & FEELINGS.......'ATTACKED'!

Its fair to say that l haven't had much luck with relationships, abused all ways by boyfriends, husband and partner.
So l chose to stay single and celibate until my children were 18 and old enough not to be caught up in the bad stuff that happened to me.

I've lived many years now- over a decade in fact with no relationship, no companionship for me alone and to be honest no one has really been interested in being with me like that. Whilst l am no oil painting, l don't regard myself as ugly or nasty. And have busied myself raising my children.  I obviously have an invisible protective shield that prevents anyone from approaching me.

I've gotten used to being an alone, single. unloved, unwanted female of a certain age!!

So when my youngest vacated the family nest l took in a male lodger, with whom l worked with, was friends with and thought l could live with as a friend/ companion. We could talk about all sorts, had interesting conversations, got on well.  But then as he told me he went out Friday nights drinking....that's ok l thought, we're adults l like a drink too.
What l didn't reckon on was a drunken lodger returning 'home' falling in the front door, before crashing into his room where presumably he passed out. I didn't reckon on being transformed back to my past. I froze in fear, what the hell was l to do? should l have gotten up to confront him, help him or what? I stayed in my bed, frozen with fear and upset, at his disrespectful behaviour.

And there it was the act that threw me back years to my abused adulthood. I spoke to him the next few days only to be laughed at and told l'd lived alone to long. Once my anger kicked in l told him to leave.
How dare this drunken incident make me feel, vunerable, upset, scared, nervous and fearful in my own home.

Months of  alone living followed, where l changed a few things in order to repair my mental state. Only to be 'attacked' again, this time by foreign strangers.

Sat in a 'local socialising' hole with family and friends, watching the world go by, enjoying a glass of wine, dancing, and enjoyment. Chatting to the foreign guy whose accompanying mates were very obviously watching and talking about us. I danced, returned to our table, had a drink, headed towards the toilets.............

What happened afterwards l was told about......for l have no recollection at all....not even now.
I'm told l was crying, screaming, being sick, carried outside, carried in my home. Paramedics and other 'strangers' assumed l was the usual drunken, Saturday night slapper...as did a few others in the days that followed.

I regained consciousness on the Sunday, fully clothed, sick, crying, scared and distraught. I was then left alone to 'recover', unable to eat nor drink, l found a straw and sipped water. I was battered mentally, by body hurt, my head hurt, what the hell had happened to me? Why had it happened to me? l'm wasn't a young girl scantily dressed you'd want to have sex with. I'm an over weight over fifty year old woman. So why me?

In the days and months that followed l vowed to myself, not to go out again at night, not there anyway- never in there again at night. I vowed to myself not to drink so much, not that l'd ever been an alcoholic or problem drinker.  But things had changed. I'd been 'attacked' and abused by strangers.

What is it about me that l do or portray to be 'attacked' for no reason?  I am a nice, honest, hard working, law abiding, friendly person...l think. Yet time and time again l find myself being 'attacked'. That might be an over reaction but its how l feel  'attacked'.

Just the other day l mistakenly crossed the road, with my daughter and grandson at pelican lights that l thought had changed, only to be 'told off' by an aggressive policeman who got out of an unmarked car, and shouted at me. WHY?
I/ we made a mistake, the traffic had stopped, we crossed the road. Why did that warrant a verbal 'attack'?

Why does this happen to me? And why do l constantly feel, nervous and wary all the time ?  Why does my head fill with these thoughts and feelings?

And more importantly.....How do l stop it?

Hi -I'M BACK -ME,MYSELF AND I

Hello, how have you all been? Its been a while since l last wrote on here, since l last wrote at all really.
For those new to my blog, l write, rant, review and chat about life, my life, general life and world life.
Since my last "chat" so much has happened, and changed in my life. No. 3 daughter - my youngest of 4,  moved into her own home with her now 18mth old son, leaving me to live alone for the first time ever in my life.
I'm now 53, living with me, myself and l adjusting to a totally ne way of life, thinking, and living in general. I already began the frugal living a while ago, and thanks to this lifestyle l have coped quite well l feel. Emotionally - well that's been different, no one to talk to in person, other than the 3 cats and dog, unless l physically go and visit some one or pick up the phone. I "chat" on the infamous facebook with people, friends and family from a variety of locations- which is lovely. But there is no longer that girly chat about anything and everything. I am still working to pay the bills, like you do, but life at home is different.
My many hobbies have kept me busy, knitting, crocheting, crafting, genealogy etc but there is a void that physical people would normally fill. I live my life like a lonely 80 year old in some respects. Life l assumed would be lived with a partner, husband, friend at "my time of life".
Is my life going to carry on with doom and gloom? NO! its not- me, myself and l gave ourselves a talking to and decided on the onset of the New Year 2014 that 'we' would do 'stuff' by ourselves, with the intention of living life with or without people we know. So l booked us onto a holiday where we will board a coach from our local bus station and go to Scotland for a week in the summer- so 'we' will be alone but not alone!!
Some people have said l'm brave- am l ? I don't think so, more determined not to miss out on living just because 'we're living alone' as one. And if all goes well, 'we' will venture abroad next year- maybe!!!
That's it for now, don't want to bore you all already, but l'll be back more frequently now, well me, myself and l need some one to listen to us don't we? Xx

Dear Government

Dear Government,

Thank you for the break up of my family, for the bedroom tax and the insults.

I am a born and bred British female who works and lives in England.

Since 1994 due to the break down of my long term relationship, l have raised my 4 children, single handedly....and yes l was on benefits in social housing. But l did work, voluntarily, then part time.  And l was totally aware of the lone parent stigma that went with this position.

As my children grew, l worked some more, until such time as the eldest 2 left home, pursued their own lives and worked full time.

I came off benefits, became financially independent, paid full rent and council tax by working 40+ hours a week.

I had a breakdown, child no. 3 worked full time and left home.  So for financial gain and  to cure my empty nest syndrome, l did the sensible thing and downsized my home.

My youngest daughter, the family pets and l moved to a tiny 2 bed housing association house.  Still l worked full time, paid full rent etc.. Youngest daughter left school, attended college, then worked full time. We were financially independent and paying our way in society.

Then due to mental and physical difficulties l decided to cut my employment hours down to just 24 hours a week, in order to have a better work life balance and live a relatively frugal life.  We have no car, no credit cards, no large flat screen TV and no fancy sun baked holidays.

However......things / life went wrong.....

Child no. 3 fell into difficulties and came "home", albeit lodging in the living room, of our tiny 5 roomed house.

We were 3 adult women all working full time jobs, paying our way, living our lives with the family pets... 3 cats and a "staffy" dog.

Youngest daughter/ child no. 4 fell pregnant despite precautions and her relationship broke down.  We opted as a "family" to stay together in order to support one another, still all work and help raise the baby as the 'father' refused anything to do with 'it'.

We sought help from the housing officer requesting a move back to a bigger property. He said child no. 3 earned to much and could live alone privately. And he would re-house youngest daughter before the birth of the baby so she could live without any support on benefits.!!!

Fast track to the here and now, child 3 is living in a privately rented property, but struggles to buy enough food and heating, despite working 40 hours + a week.  Daughter no. 4 with baby are still in our tiny house with me but needs re-housing urgently as she can no longer pay her way.  She needs to be in her own property  in order that she can "live off the system" until she is able to return to work after raising her child. 

This will leave me at 52 with a dilemma.  I will need to claim housing benefit and council tax support as my total income is only £590 per month so would need help to "exist".

If l downsize to a 1 bed over 50's flat, l will probably have to get rid of the family pets.  If l stay l will be penalised for having an empty bedroom  despite having 4 Grandchildren and elderly Mother who like to visit.  Some of the properties available to "bid" on, the requirements state "asbo and drug free for 2 years" with a "Local Letting Plan" which  l believe means ..due for knocking down in the future!!

My boss wont re-increase my hours, l can not afford to visit my elderly mother in the neighbouring county, l can not treat  my grandchildren,l can not afford to socialise.  I don't qualify for any help as l no longer have dependent children. I do not want to leave my secure long term employment as l have been there 11 years.  And l can retire in just 13 years time.

I am not suicidal - but what is the point of my life if l can not live it?

No money, no long term secure home of my choice and the final kick a family history of Alzheimer's.

So Government THANK YOU for my long term, non secure penniless, homeless, family less, pet less future........you've played a blinder.

NEW YEAR NEW START

Hiya Everyone, how you all doing? its been ages l know. Well its the start of 2013, most of us will return to normality on Monday, work, school etc.  but how depressing is that thought?  Having to get up when its dark, woken by electronic devices at a set time, kicking back into the "old routine" of up, wee, wash, dress, make up, breakfast, walk to work, slog your guts out, break, work, lunch, work, home. Work at home, wash up, tea, tv, bed & repeat daily until next given time off.....for me that'll be a couple of days in February. And for pitence. I chose to live a frugal life, because l want to live my life instead of just working it... l have never been the career type. My career is/ was being a Mother..full time, un- paid, 24/7, 365 days a year times 4. Now my youngest Grandchild shares my home with his Mum, so this career continues. Whilst l enjoy my frugality 95% of the time, there is a 5% bit of me that longs to have the finances to be able to shop when l want, to go places l want to go to, to attend concerts l want to see, and it is mostly at this time of year. When after the expense of Christmas, when the weather is damp & dull... and yes in the UK its like that most of the year!!! I crave some joy from monetary means and the thought of having to return to work to gain my measily monetary means is depressing..But l dare say 2 days back into the "old routine" of working life, l - we will no longer feel depressed, we will instead interact with fellow workers, chatting about the over eating, over spending, over sleeping time we've all had off.

The great thing about a New Year is just that it is New, its is fresh, and yes we will have to repeat some part of it but mostly we can look forward to new beginnings, new months, new brighter weather, longer days, shorter dark nights and with the beginnings of Spring all this current negativity will be but a memory.

                             HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.